This really hit home yesterday. But first, let me give a short recap of Narcissism as I understand it:
Pathological Narcissism is a condition where a person with low self-esteem tries to gain approval from others by showing off to them how special they are. The attention received is never enough to fix the problem because it's forced, conditional approval. There is always the understanding that if you stop producing, the approval will stop as well. (For more detail on how this develops, see #9).
I always thought that my blog was different though. I feel like I'm trying to help people navigate through the mess of their ideas about reality because of wrong childhood modeling, like I did (and still do), by offering whatever insights I've uncovered. But that all changed.
I started talking to this girl I met through another blog we both follow and for whatever reason, we became really close, really fast. I tried to be as honest as I could about my flaws, but still received validation from her. Not only didn't she reject me, but she really liked me too. Eventually she broke it off for whatever reason. The thing I realized about my blogging is this though: As our relationship grew stronger, my interest in writing this blog correspondingly waned. The acceptance that wasn't "bought", and was therefore immeasurably realer, dissolved any need for the other kind.
Well, that's over with now. So welcome back. If I send you some cheap flowers and take you to a bed-and-breakfast half an hour away, will you take me back?
(The picture is from the South Park episode "Creme Fraiche". )
