This really hit home yesterday. But first, let me give a short recap of Narcissism as I understand it:
Pathological Narcissism is a condition where a person with low self-esteem tries to gain approval from others by showing off to them how special they are. The attention received is never enough to fix the problem because it's forced, conditional approval. There is always the understanding that if you stop producing, the approval will stop as well. (For more detail on how this develops, see #9).
I always thought that my blog was different though. I feel like I'm trying to help people navigate through the mess of their ideas about reality because of wrong childhood modeling, like I did (and still do), by offering whatever insights I've uncovered. But that all changed.
I started talking to this girl I met through another blog we both follow and for whatever reason, we became really close, really fast. I tried to be as honest as I could about my flaws, but still received validation from her. Not only didn't she reject me, but she really liked me too. Eventually she broke it off for whatever reason. The thing I realized about my blogging is this though: As our relationship grew stronger, my interest in writing this blog correspondingly waned. The acceptance that wasn't "bought", and was therefore immeasurably realer, dissolved any need for the other kind.
Well, that's over with now. So welcome back. If I send you some cheap flowers and take you to a bed-and-breakfast half an hour away, will you take me back?
(The picture is from the South Park episode "Creme Fraiche". )
I don't think that your description of narcissism is entirely accurate. Some people are of the opinion that it masks some underlying self-esteem issues but this has never been proved and even those who suggest it remark that these issues would be at some inaccesible area of the mind (where we all keep them obviously) that your's apparently are not. More likely is that you blog because you're bored, lonely or unhappy and the temporary state of well-being and hope at the prospect of a possible relationship relegated your blogging to a back seat. First time I have visited your blog (its snowing and too cold to go out so I've had a day to follow my nose on the web) and I will state categorically you are not narcissistic. Firstly you have far too much insight and secondly you are far too prepared to develop that insight. Keep up the good work.
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