Thursday, October 14, 2010
#1 Nobody gets me.
Nobody gets anybody. At least not your totality. Not with all your personal experiences, thoughts, dreams, skews, etc. The problem with you is that this bothers you to a larger extent than other people. Why?
Diagnosis: At one point, you felt nobody would accept you as you are, so you isolated yourself out of fear (not choice).You try to please others by presenting what you think they want to see so they won't reject you. [You fear this rejection because it's tied to a real consequence at an unconscious level (i.e. some early experience or experiences you've repressed ). Your developed brain, as it is today, could separate the rejection from the fear of physical pain if it was presented to it now. But you're not dealing with that. You're dealing with your child brain (primary process thinking).] This fear-based fraud causes you to be disconnected from society, and unable to get any real feedback about your true self. You are therefore only left with your underlying expectation of rejection. This becomes a vicious cycle.
Unfortunately, this post isn't going to end there. Because here's your biggest problem. Two emotions, in the vernacular "fear" and "love", are the root of all motivation. But they can't develop simultaneously. So, the more fear you felt growing up, and the more you followed that behavior model, the less loving motivation you have. A healthy person has a decent balance of both. Depressed people like us have a huge amount of fear-based motivation and very low love-based motivation. So when the fear is taken away, there's nothing left that we know, because love as a motivator in different aspects of daily life was modeled in such a small to nonexistent way.
Solution: Psychotherapy to uncover the root of your fear, followed by Behavioral therapy to fix it. Then more therapy to establish a healthy way of looking at life and practicing that until it motivates you. (Even after therapy, you'll need to work on this for a long time.)